I hate me so much right now....

Christmas started really early for me, with a trip with The Girls to see the ENB’s new version of The Nutcracker for Mel’s birthday treat on 20th December. I haven’t seen the ENB do The Nutcracker since 1994 would you believe, having been swayed with the contemporary spectacular that other ballet companies have bought to the Nutcracker table. But blimey, haven’t they fandagoed it up?! All camp as Christmas with spectacular costumes and a healthy dash of humour. Whilst I do miss the annual trip to the Royal Festival Hall for some traditional tou-tou’s and tiaras, I must admit to loving this new adaptation. And well worth the £10 last minute ticket price in the Balcony at the Coliseum.

Friday saw The Great Christmas Food Shop with Boo. £148 later and we hadn’t had a row or even a cross word. A first for us.

Saturday I did some Body Pumping in the morning, and then spent the rest of the day in bed eating.

Sunday was Christmas dinner Number 1 with The Mother of the Bride. Roast beef, TV watching and present swapping. Yummy.

Christmas Eve saw Weight Melt Down Number 1 of the festive season. I did another Pump class and caught a sideways glimpse of my stomach in the mirror during the abs track. Where the fuck did that come from? After a plate of bread and chips, and six champagne cocktails with The Girls in the pub, I went home and cried. Luckily Boo wasn’t coming over till Christmas morning, so I was able to eat about £25 worth of the Special Christmas Food undisturbed. I chomped my way through a tube of Bisodol tablets whilst fake tanning. I still swear by the theory that brown/orange fat looks better than pale white fat.

Christmas morning was a blur of pork preparation and table decoration. Boo arrived with a present sack the size of an elephant at lunchtime, and we swapped gifts whilst starting in on the nobby’s nuts. After watching The Polar Express we had sex, which given my current lack of self esteem was the true Christmas miracle.

Boxing Day we swapped our sofa for Mother of the Groom’s sofa, and had Christmas Dinner Number 3. Half a chicken. Each. Superb. More lovely presents were swapped, and we all talked about nothing much whilst watching nothing much and eating our way through a chocolate selection box.

Thursday we were supposed to be going down to see The Sister/Brother-in-Law/Neice combo, but they had been struck down with Christmas Flu, so Boo and I spend the day in bed wrapped around one another. Eating.

Friday morning at the crack of dawn we went down to The Combo. They were all still ill unfortunately but Christmas Dinner Number 4 - The Chestnut Pie thing – was delicious. More great gifts were exchanged and after a spot of Dining Room dancing and The Jungle Book watching, Boo and I were on our way back home for some more lying down stuff, whilst The Combo went back to bed.

Saturday I did two more classes at the gym, this time in the same long sleeved t-shirt I first wore to hide myself under when I joined a gym some 7 years ago. I have now managed to gain every last pound I had ever managed to loose over the past 7 years, and my current weight of 17 ½ stone is my official heaviest ever. Congratulations me. The Girls and I then had a coffee at Bucks and put the world to rights for a couple of hours, before I went home and had Weight Melt Down Number 2.

Boo was working on Sunday, so I pottered around the shops with Chimmy - trying not to commit suicide whilst she moaned about the fact that all the size 8 sale clothes had already been snapped up by more eager bargain hunters. Size 8. Fucking cow.

Monday I did another two classes at the gym, then had another Bucks session, followed by Weight Melt Down Number 3. Boo came over at 8ish, and we had steak for tea. We watched Transformers on DVD (crap story, great CGI) until the fireworks outside gave the game away and we wished one another happy new year, before going back to eating the snack box in front of us.

Yesterday we took The Mother of the Bride (although she paid in fact) to The Harvester for some help ourselves to the salad cart action. I had the scampi and a Sundae Best icecream. It was good.

Boo finally went home after two weeks of almost constant time together, and I settled down to some Poirot and Midsummer Murder action on the TV. At 3pm I finally managed to get to sleep, after having the last portion of apple pie and vienneta. Thank God the £148 worth of Special Christmas Food is finally gone and I can restock the fridge with carrots.

I swear to all things holy, that I have never felt more uncomfortable or less attractive in my entire life. If feeling this rubbish doesn’t finally stop me eating the shit, god know’s what will. Hopefully the added pressure of the 10k Run For Life in June and the Wedding Dress shopping in July will help.

PS – I have been a non-smoker for one day shy of exactly one year. It’s hard to be proud of myself, when I hate myself so much right now.