Not So Much...

Not last weekend, but the weekend before, I spent a lovely 2 days in The Country with The Family. The Niece was on top form and we had a splendid time with Thomas (The Tank Engine) on Saturday with some face painting thrown in for good measure.

On Sunday we had a not such a splendid time with a weird lady and some puppets at “Three Billy Goats”. Half way through the show, The Sister asked The Niece “Are you enjoying it”. The answer? “Not so much”. I don’t blame her. It couldn’t have been duller if it tried.






This weekend just gone, I took The Mother to the matinee of Hamlet at Sadler’s Wells, with a Prix Fix at The Fish Shop for lunch.



Now, I would be lying if I said I knew the story of Hamlet off by heart, but I do know that there weren’t many Nazi’s in the version I read at school. However, David Nixon’s new version of the tale of revenge and betrayal took us to 1940’s occupied Paris with Hamlet as a young man returning home from the front line to find his dad dead and his mum married to his uncle. There are lots of Swastika flags and Nazi uniforms, Claudius is now the head of police and Poloniusa a member of the Gestapo; and, instead of drowning, Ophila meets her demise via a gang rape from a group of soldiers. Not so nice, a little bit crazy, but as is usual for the Northern, brilliantly produced, choreographed and danced.

Chillies

I bought some new pants last night on the way to the gym.

I bought three pairs.

For £10.

They are cotton and comfy and fit nice.

One pair is bright cerise and very very soft.

One pair is black and white and stripy, and has a little enamel cherry charm at the front. (I have them on right now.)

One pair is white with a little black ‘boudoir babe' design and lacy bits around the top with a pink ribbon.

I love my new pants.

They have cheered me up no end.

That is all for today.

Blog Tag

I have been blog-tagged by Scott Pack at Me and My Big Mouth.

It seems to be a sort of blog equivalent to the original chain letter type thing, which of course I’d normally dismiss and delete, but old habits regarding doing as Le Grande Fromage tells me to die hard… his wish has always been my command… so firstly I have to list six random things about myself.

One – I was number 2 in the Culture Club Fan Club. It was based above a shop in Northwood Hills, which by chance was where I went to my (second) secondary school, having been asked to leave my first… sort of. Wednesday was either “do PE” or “do community work” day. So when I was supposed to be either bouncing on a trampoline at the local sports hall or clearing up vomit at the Sunshine Home, I was infact hanging out at the CCFC office, posting out signed photos of George or Jon to other fans… oh happy happy days.

Two – NYJO (National Youth Jazz Orchestra) played at my 21st birthday bash. A beautiful version of “Somewhere” morphed into “I’ve Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts”… I’ve always been rather busty.

Three – I am blessed with a very long tongue and can touch both my nose and chin with it…

Four – I was allegedly a budding mathematician in my youth, and was invited to attend a genius kid maths course which was held for two hours every Saturday morning at the Civic Centre in Uxbridge throughout the Summer of 1984 (or thereabouts). To this day I’m convinced my details got switched with some other nerd…

Five – My Sister and I used to fight terribly when we were little. I was a nasty piece of work, and prone to the fibbing to get myself out of trouble. I once bit her on the chest and swore blind that a blackbird had flown down from a tree and pecked her. She never told on me, and to this day I still feel guilty for it.

Six – I’ve done lots of different jobs in many different industries, but to this day my favourite ever place to work was behind the bar of a club Up Town in my very early 20’s. I was put in charge of the cocktail lounge, and can remember almost every recipe of the 72 drinks on the menu I created…

Right, six things listed I now have to nominate and tag six other people to do this …

Firstly, it’s got to be The Packfordshire himself.

Then the delightful and sexy Catherine Townsend .

My most favourite cake porn – and the people I’m going to get to do my wedding cupcakes.

The lady who once said I was efficient, utterly organised, bright, responsive and original, Emma from Snowbooks.

The Urban Bridesmaid blog , for no other reason than Boo and I might be booking her for the wedding…

And lastly, but not least-ly my ginger chum from the Big W.

So then, if these six people decide to play (although obviously Scott already has) the rules for them are:

To link back to me

Post these same rules on their blog

Write six random things on their own blog

Tag another 6 people in the post

Let those six people know they are being tagged, by leaving a comment on their blog

Then let me know when their own entry is posted….

Confused? You will be!

Dreaming

One of my favourite authors, Lisa Jewell, did a great 60 second interview in today’s Metro.

Gay Paris

On Saturday it was off on the Eurotrash again, this time to celebrate The Sisters 40th birthday with some champagne breakfast and lunch. Lovely time was had by us all - and here are some snaps to prove that.

Slick

Last night I took my lovely friend Louise to the Linbury Studio at the ROH to see Ballet Black , who I’ve heard of before, but never seen.

Blimey, they n'half slick.

Just six dancers, three ladies and three chaps form Ballet Black, and last night they treated us to just over an hour of amazing stage presence and class.

The first two dances were by far my favourites. Walk Through a Storm, the first classical piece by Richard Alston in 25 years was beautiful. All pointwork and pirouettes – it was both quirky and graceful, and the music (Beethoven) was perfect.
The second piece was Shobana Jeyasingh’s first ever creation – and it took my breath away. All red rubber skirts and tight denim body suits it was high energy and incredibly quick. It reminded me in some ways of “House of Flying Daggers”, in a very good way.

The 20 Year War

About 20 years ago my boyfriend at the time (former love-of-my-life) told me that I was just too damn fat for him to want to sleep with anymore, and threatened to leave me if I didn’t loose weight. I was probably a size 16/18 or so, and still had the relatively OK toned physique that an 18 year old can get away with. I joined a gym called Flex and stopped eating anything other than apples. After a while, I lost some weight and was a comfortable 14/16. Said boyfriend didn’t leave me, but did start sleeping with almost every other woman that crossed his path. Some 10 years later we finally split up. By then I was comfort eating morning, noon and night and he had got the women next door pregnant.

About 15 years ago I joined Weight Watchers (for the first time), and lost about 2 stone by religiously following the suggested daily food plans. I became THE MOST boring food commentator ever… (e.g. – Do you know how many points are in that apple/tablespoon of peas/chunk of cheese/portion of pasta?...) and it was almost a relief to give it all up and start eating cakes again.

About 10 years ago I was living with my gay best friends and they coerced, encouraged and supported me back down to a size 16/18. At that time I was single and had the confidence of a woman half my size. I had lovers coming out of my ears and had the best time of my life. I was also pro-plus-ing off my nut every day.

About 7 years ago I met Boo. I stopped being single. My gay best friends had long since abandoned me and the carbs then found me. I got happy, got lazy and got fat.

Just over 5 years ago my dad died. I stopped working out, I stopped caring, I stopped stopping when I was full. I was never full. I ate and ate, and I ate all the wrong things. It neither bought my dad back, or filled the whole he left. But I carried on eating anyway.

In January last year I stopped smoking and started eating more.

In February last year my worst fears were confirmed when Boo (the actual love-of-my-life) admitted that he struggles to find me physically attractive anymore. I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t either.

Almost exactly one year ago I started my food/weight/exercise spreadsheet, and weighed 104kg. I kept up the spreadsheet for about a month. I lost pretty much no weight, despite filling in the spreadsheet every day.

At the beginning of this year I started writing everything down in a lovely red notebook. I was about 15 ½ stone. That lasted about a month. I got bored and lazy.

I registered with my new doctors’ surgery today. I weigh 111kg. Nearly 18 stone. Twice the weight I should be.

I now feel hopeless and lost as well as bored and disgusted. I hate myself for not having that switch that most people seem to have that makes them
a) stop eating when they are full
b) stick to three good meals and two small snacks a day
c) eat healthily
d) keep treats as a rarity rather than a rule

My friends are as kind and supportive as any friends could be. They try and encourage and they listen and they all offer their help and advice all the time. They are all good looking and various shades of slim and toned. I’m not saying they don’t all have their issues – God knows they do – but none of them can possibly know just how it feels to be 18 stone, because not one of them is over 11 at a push.

I am due to get married in just over a year. I do not want to wear a size 22 wedding dress, but I just don’t know what to do.

Almost worth the licence fee.

Monday, I watched the controversial Immigration: The Inconvenient Truth with the rather dreamy Rageh Omaar. Investigating how immigration has affected the UK, Rageh used Enoch Powell’s Rivers of Blood speech from 40 odd years ago as a starting point to find out whether his visions of future Britain have come true. Some of the results of the specially commissioned yougov survey about the opinions of the native white population really didn’t surprise me, what did though was the views of some of the settled second or third generation immigrants towards newcomers… who knew that that level of anger and resentment was floating about? I look forward to Parts 2 and 3 with great interest.


Tuesday saw the long awaited return of Gay Breast Lover Gok Wan, and his How to Look Good Naked. Now some clever wag as already suggested the best way to look good naked it to turn the light off – but Gok believes that with some Spanx support pants and self perception alteration any women can feel good about herself regardless of size, shape and imagined flaws…

I was tempted to apply to the show once, until I saw the length of the application process and gave up. Some shrink would probably have a field day with that little admission. I do however genuinely love seeing these women who start the show standing in front of the 360° mirror in their awful sports bras and grey old lady pants, and emerge like butterflies by the end of the show in heels and corsets shouting about how damn sexy they look. By association I to believe that I can look good naked – until I remember I don’t own any Spanx, I can’t walk in high heels, and I don’t have a 35 year old gay man hanging about eager to tell me how great my bangers are….

If only…

Then tonight its episode 3 of The Apprentice. Personally I think The Sugar made a right balls up last week – from the edited cuts we saw Shazia was stitched up like a kipper by Jenny Celery – but I’m hoping that tonight’s pub challenge episode is a killer – as long as my horse isn’t the victim…

Books stuff on TV on your PC...how do they do that?

Those tinkers at Borders have launched Bookzone TV. It’s bloody great. I logged on today for the first time and was delighted to see a whole section dedicated to Chick Lit featuring interviews with, amongst others, Katie Fforde, Josie Lloyd & Emlyn Rees, Belinda Jones, Jane Moore, Kate Harrison and Fiona Neill…

One fly in the ointment is that it’s also got the most annoying presenter, former host of “Loose Women”, Nina Sebastiane, who spends most of the time interviewing Fiona Neill by talking about herself. Tut. On the plus side that sexy minx from GMTV news Jasmin Lowson is one of the guest interviewers…my she’s a fine looking women.

If you get a spare few moments, log yourself onto bookzone.tv and watch TV at your desk. How novel. (See what I did there?)

I am a buffoon

Why oh why I didn’t read “My Best Friend’s Girl” by Dorothy Koomson when I got the proof from Time Warner (remember them?) in May 2006, I will now never know. Maybe it was because I don’t so much like the name Dorothy. Maybe it was because I don’t so much like kids. Maybe it was because I am clearly a buffoon, cause it’s cracking. And yes, I know Richard & Judy said that before me….

The book tells the story of Kamryn who, following the death of her best friend Adele, takes in her daughter Tegan. We learn what Adele did to break Kamryn heart, we get to know her ex-fiancé Nate, and we meet new love Luke…and along the way we see Kam’s relationship with Tegan grow and grow. Other reviews I have read about the book say it’s funny and quirky. I didn’t find that so much – but I did find it incredibly well written - a beautiful story, told beautifully.

Dorothy Koomson has a really nice website – have a look yourself. Oh, and buy the book – or you can borrow my proof if you want?