At the weekend we niece-sat. She was dropped off by The Sister and The Brother In Law in time for lunch on Friday, and picked up again on Sunday afternoon.

That was not one, but two nights. Two bedtime routines. Three lunches. Two dinners. Two breakfasts. Two bathtimes.

And about 5 hours of just me and her time before her very favourite Uncle got home from work on Friday night. I had never, not ever, in her entire 4 years and 10 months on the earth, spent 1 minute on my own with her before then.

I was bricking it big time.

But despite being told I was no fun (she cannot lie my niece), witnessing head bumps and one fall, I had an absolute ball. She was a complete delight to have, and we loved every minute of having her to stay. Even the no sleep on Friday night minutes, and the slightly tense minutes after her nap on Saturday afternoon….

However.

Never before have I been so sure that motherhood is not for me. It is exhausting. Draining. Completely consuming. Utterly petrifying. And requires a level of patience, understanding and tolerance that I just do not have.

Being an aunt meanwhile, is almost the very best thing in the world. If I could just calm down and stop imagining I’m seconds away from breaking her it would be THE best thing in the world.

Except cupcakes maybe….

It has taken me 46 days to loose 1 stone. I have 73 days left to go. Even I can work out that my goal of a 5 stone loss before the wedding is now shot to bits. Best possible would be another stone and a half…

Fucketyduck Mother Fuck.

On Friday, we did some crunching at Work of the new Walkers crisps. They were all horrible - tasting of old man socks and other peoples burps...and other nasty things that one would never want in ones mouth. Charlie Brooker has tasted them too, and written about it in a very funny way here.

79 days to go...

So tonight we are off to The Inn on the Green for some Pre-Valentine/Wedding Breakfast Tasting Menu dinner. We get the heavenly chore of scoffing two starters, two mains and not one, but two puddings…

Such a very hard life we live.

We’ve gone for the Loch Fyne organic salmon with rye bread and Chicken liver parfait, fig chutney and toasted brioche to start, Sautéed sea bass, spaghetti of crab, chilli and spring onion and Scotch salmon Wellington, Pernod and fennel veloute for main, and then some Pannacotta with poached strawberries and a Chocolate fondant with pistachio ice cream to finish. Am obviously salivating just typing those words.

Then tomorrow, for the official day of love, we are dining at home from the rather nice (and equally as cheap) £10 Waitrose Dinner at Home offer – Lobster Bisque to start, Steak for main, and then some Gu chocolate puds for dessert.

The diet is off for the next 48 hours. Sunday it’s off to the scout hut / sports centre for 6 hours of cardio to work it all off again…

So, we have just 12 weeks left before The Big Day. That’s 84 days… 3 months, give or take….

Cripes.

Am so excited now. Yippee for me. And him of course.

The diet was shot to bits over the weekend, as I invited The Girls over for another evening of all things lard and carb laden on Saturday. Mango & chilli marinated prawns with a pomegranate salad to start. Lorrie’s special Italian pasta sauce. Homemade seeded bread. Raspberry and basil infused icecream. Chocolate mouse. Sticky ginger cake… all washed down with many bottles of rose.

I got to bed at 4.30am. Boo timed it perfectly and came home at 5am. So delighted we had arranged to pop over to The Mother of the Bride’s for Sunday lunch 6 hours later. Couldn’t be more tired if we had tried. And hungover of course.

This weekend we will be staying at home, in bed, doing all things Valentine-y. Ahem…

What Next?

It feels like it’s taken me about 12 years to finish The First Assistant which I’ve had sitting about for a fair few years anyway on the shelf in proof version. It was good, I liked it, it didn’t blow me away, but then very few books do these days.

However. I have on my bedside box the following:

The brand new book coming in April from my lovely chum Bernie – who has slipped ships from Hodder to Little, Brown and been reinvented by the lovely Jo Dickinson…. CAN NOT WAIT to start it.

And.

Mr Mike Gayle’s To-Do-List which I believe is non-fiction, but equally fabulous…all about how Mike made a list of all his outstanding Things To Do, and then started doing them…

Together with three titles from New Work that I really really must get on with…

The first being the second title from our new chicklitty author, Jane Costello The Nearly-Weds which promises to be superdooper.

Then we’ve got the return of Cannie Shapiro in the follow up to Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner. Again, v excited and salivating at the prospect…

And finally, the fourth from the lovely Debby Holt Love Affairs for Grown Ups which features a character called Cornelius Hedge. Really.

There are also proof copies of the new one’s from Collette Caddle – “Between the Sheets”, “Poor Little Bitch Girl” from Ms Collins, “The Sister Diaries” by Karen Quinn, “The Good Bride Guide” from Matt Dunn, Milly Johnson’s “A Spring Affair” and “Chasing Daisy” by Paige Toon, floating about that I wanna get my grubby little mitts on as well…

Oh decisions decisions!

so, where were we?

oh yes, we've lost 1/2 stone since we last posted...so only another 5 1/2 to go...

we've done a hell of a lot of cleaning, tidying, laundry, blah blah...

we've had the mother of all headaches...

we've had laryngitis...

we've had a stinky shit cold...

we've had a cold sore the size of another head...

we've actually had to have a couple of days off sick...

we've celebrated Boo's 39th birthday with scallops and steak...

we've walked 3 hours in the snow to get absolutely no bloody closer to work than when we left home...

we've spent the day on the sofa...